Who Should You Name as Your Executor or Trustee?
One of the most important decisions in an estate plan can also be one of the easiest to gloss over.
“Who should actually be in charge when you're no longer here?”
For many people, the answer is almost automatic.
“My oldest child.”
“My brother.”
“My daughter who lives nearby.”
But the person you love most, or even trust most, may not be the best person to administer your estate.
First, an important disclaimer:
I’m a financial advisor, not an estate planning attorney. Nothing in this article should be construed as legal advice.
These are simply some of the things I encourage retirees to think about when reviewing their estate plans with an attorney and deciding who they want to put in charge.
Now that that’s out of the way-
Being an executor or trustee can involve tracking down assets, working with attorneys and accountants, paying bills and taxes, managing investments, keeping records, communicating with beneficiaries, and ultimately distributing assets according to your estate plan.
Both roles also carry fiduciary responsibilities, meaning the person serving generally has a legal obligation to act in the interests of the estate or trust beneficiaries.
That's a much bigger job than simply making sure everyone gets their inheritance.
So, the question that retirees often ask themselves is, “Who should I choose?”
What's the Difference Between an Executor and a Trustee?
The terminology can get confusing.
An executor, often called a personal representative, is generally responsible for administering your estate under your will.
That can include working through probate, gathering assets, paying debts and expenses, handling required tax filings, and eventually distributing property to your beneficiaries.
A trustee is responsible for administering assets held in a trust according to the terms of the trust document.
Depending on how the trust is designed, that responsibility could continue for months, years, or even decades.
If you have a revocable living trust, you may currently serve as your own trustee and name a successor trustee to take over if you become incapacitated or after your death.
The same person can sometimes serve as both executor and successor trustee, but they don't necessarily have to.
Your estate planning attorney can help determine what makes the most sense for your situation, including whether establishing a trust in addition to your will may be appropriate.
Don't Automatically Choose Your Oldest Child
This is probably one of the most common defaults I see.
You have three children, so you name the oldest. But age isn't necessarily the qualification that matters most.
Instead, I'd think about characteristics like:
“Are they organized?”
“Are they financially responsible?”
“Do they follow through on things?”
“Can they handle paperwork and deadlines?”
“Will they ask for professional help when they need it?”
And perhaps most importantly:
Can they make decisions without allowing family dynamics to get in the way?
Your 42-year-old daughter who keeps meticulous records, communicates well with her siblings and has good financial judgment may be a much better choice than your 47-year-old son simply because he happens to be the oldest.
The goal isn't to bestow an honor.
It's to hire someone for a job.
Consider the Family Dynamics
Competence is only part of the equation.
Imagine leaving your estate equally to three children and naming one of them executor. That child may now be responsible for communicating with their siblings about property, investments, expenses, distributions, and sentimental belongings.
If everyone gets along, great!
If they don't, you've potentially placed one child in the middle of an already difficult family dynamic.
This becomes even more important when a trustee has discretion over when or how beneficiaries receive money.
Location can be worth considering, too.
Much of the financial and administrative work can be handled remotely today, so I wouldn't automatically rule out the best person simply because they live in another state. But if your estate includes a home to clean out and sell, vehicles, rental properties, or other physical assets, having someone nearby can certainly make the job easier. There may also be state-specific requirements for an out-of-state executor, which is something to discuss with your estate planning attorney.
Before naming a family member, ask yourself:
“Will putting this person in charge make things easier, or potentially create more conflict?”
They Don't Need to Be a Financial Expert
Your executor doesn't need to be a CPA, and your trustee doesn't need to be an investment expert.
They can hire professionals, like CPAs and CFPs.
I'd care much more about whether they have the judgment to recognize what they don't know.
I'd rather have someone who says:
"I don't understand this tax issue. Let's call the CPA."
than someone who confidently tries to handle everything themselves when they’re in over their head.
Look for someone capable of staying organized, asking good questions, coordinating professionals, and making thoughtful decisions.
Should You Name Multiple Children?
Naming all of your children can sound like the “fairest” solution.
"I have three kids. I'll name all three so nobody feels left out."
But fair doesn’t necessarily mean efficient or effective.
Multiple decision-makers can mean more signatures, more coordination, and more opportunities for disagreement.
There are certainly situations where co-executors or co-trustees make sense.
But I wouldn't choose multiple people solely because you're worried someone's feelings will be hurt.
Remember: this is a job, not an award.
Executor and Trustee May Require Different Skill Sets
It's also worth considering whether the same person should fill both roles.
An executor's job is generally focused on settling your estate after death and eventually comes to an end.
A trustee could potentially serve for many years.
For example, if your grandchildren's inheritance remains in trust until certain ages, your trustee may be responsible for investing assets, maintaining records, and making distributions for a decade or longer.
Someone who would make an excellent executor may not want (or be well suited for) that kind of long-term commitment.
When Might a Professional Trustee Make Sense?
Not everyone has a family member or friend who is a natural fit for these big responsibilities.
And for some families, using an independent professional may actually simplify things.
That’s where a professional or corporate fiduciary/ trustee can provide continuity, experience, and independence in their decision-making.
Some arrangements can also combine a professional trustee with a family member or other individual.
I think this becomes especially worth discussing when:
The estate or trust is particularly large or complex.
There is significant family conflict.
Beneficiaries have very different financial circumstances.
A beneficiary struggles with money management.
A trust could continue for many years.
There are complicated investments, businesses or properties involved.
You simply don't have someone you feel comfortable putting in charge.
Of course, professional trustees don’t work for free. They charge fees, and they won't have the same personal relationship with your family. That's why I don't think there's a universal answer.
Sometimes the best trustee could be your daughter, sometimes it could be a professional, and sometimes a combination of the two might make the most sense.
Ask Before You Name
Duh, right?!
This sounds obvious, but it’s kind of like the warning label telling you not to use a toaster near the bathtub or sink.
The warning is there because somebody has done it before.
You’d be surprised how many people find out they’ve been named executor only after someone has died, and have absolutely no interest in taking on the responsibility.
So, talk to them first!
Explain why you’re considering them, what the role could involve, and most importantly, make sure they’re actually willing to do it.
And then ask:
“Are you actually comfortable doing this?”
Being an executor or trustee can require significant time and responsibility, and someone is allowed to decline the role.
Allowing them to say “no” now is much better than discovering later that your first choice is unwilling or unable to serve.
Always Have a Backup
A lot can change over 10 or 20 years.
The person you named at age 60 might predecease you, develop health problems, move away, become estranged from your family, or simply no longer be the best person for the job.
That's why successor appointments matter.
Your documents can generally name one or more backup choices if your first choice can't or won't serve. This is also why estate planning shouldn't be viewed as something you complete once and put in a safe for 30 years.
Periodically pull the documents out and ask:
“If I were creating this plan today, would I still choose the same people?”
If the answer is no, it may be time for a conversation with your estate planning attorney.
Make Their Job Easier
Choosing the right person is only half the battle. You can also make their eventual job dramatically easier.
Keep an organized list of your financial accounts, insurance policies, real estate, important contacts, and estate documents.
For a simple way to organize this information, see my articleon the essential one-page financial summary that everyone should have.
Make sure someone knows where your original documents are located.
Keep beneficiary designations current.
And make sure your executor or trustee knows who your attorney, CPA and financial advisor are.
Think about it this way:
The more organized you leave things, the less detective work you're asking them to do.
Making Your Selection..
I wouldn't necessarily ask:
“Who do I trust the most?”
I'd ask:
“Who do I trust to do this job well?”
Those aren't always the same person.
Look for someone trustworthy, organized, financially responsible, and emotionally steady.
Consider family dynamics, the complexity of your estate, how long the responsibility could last, and whether an independent professional deserves consideration.
And talk with both the person you're considering and your estate planning attorney before making the decision.
Because a beautifully drafted estate plan still needs someone capable of carrying it out.
Who you leave your assets to matters.
But who you leave in charge of them matters, too.
Have any questions about what you’ve read? Let’s talk about them!
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